Hi friends!
I know. I know.
What the heck happened?
The last you heard from me I was telling you about how I was back and I really felt like I was making some progress healing. I was on the right track and I was doing so well when BAM, something changed all that. I won't get into what that "something" was, but it was definitely two steps forward and one step back in the whole healing process. My anxiety is all over the place and I could pretty much cry at any given moment. It's crazy what a roller coaster of emotions loss takes you through.
It really got me to thinking how so many of us have experienced loss. So many of us have experienced something that rocked us to the core, but NOBODY is talking about it. We all just sweep it under our safe and private rug and pretend that we've got it all together. Why do we do that? There is so much power in sharing our struggles and being able to lean on each other so why don't we take advantage of it? I've grown so tired of logging onto Instagram or Youtube and seeing all these "perfect" lives only to be followed up a few months later with news of a divorce or loss and an explanation of how what they showed on the surface wasn't reality. As an extremely private person, I get it. I get not wanting to let everybody know that something is going on, but in the end aren't we hurting ourselves? We are depriving ourselves of some potentially helpful shoulders to lean on.
I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to be absent from social media or my blog anymore just because what I'm dealing with is difficult and I'd rather deal with it quietly on my own. Maybe admitting that I'm struggling can help others unburden themselves a little bit. Loss is not an easy thing. Especially when it is further complicated like in my situation.
That doesn't mean we have to go into detail and share our darkest secrets, it just means that we allow ourselves to not be ok. It means that we allow ourselves to feel those emotions and share them with somebody (or your entire following. Go you!) who could end up needing to share their own struggles themselves.
I'm not saying I want to dwell on it. Not by any means. I have my good days when I'm able to be a little more care free, but I don't want to hinder my healing process anymore by hiding when I'm not feeling that way. I don't see anything wrong with that. I actually see so much good coming out of sharing those things that are so difficult to admit.
Life is not perfect. Why do we have such a desire to make it seem like it is? There is such beauty in being able to recover from painful events. There's so much to be learned from being strong enough to face our problems. We could help each other so much just by admitting "I'm struggling".
There have been a few things that have been helping me through my struggles, though. One of which is a complete surprise out of left field (yay for trying something new!)
- Loosening the strings on my strict dairy free and gluten free diet. It's weird how allowing myself a little more control on this helps me feel less stressed. This doesn't mean I go all out and eat a bunch of crap. It's kind of the opposite. Not restricting myself makes me feel like I have more of a choice and just makes me feel like I have control over something, even if it's just this one little thing. And I'll tell you it actually makes a huge difference. I still stay away from anything dairy 99% of the time, but I allow myself a day or two of bread full of that infamous gluten. Gluten free bread is just awful. I can't do it. So letting myself indulge every once in a while does a lot of good for my emotional well being.
- Painting. Letting emotions loose in something creative is so therapeudic. I had an incredible painting session a few weeks ago that may have involved Andra Day's "Rise Up", ugly crying, and a ruined painting.
- Inspiring Instagrammers. AllieDarr- Here is a woman who believes in everything I just talked about. She shares her real life and struggles everyday through her stories and posts. Girlfriend keeps it REAL. She shows real moments with her five (yes FIVE) kids, struggles with insecurities and issues with food. There is so much comfort in her sharing issues that I can relate to but nobody wants to talk about (like issues with gut health) I strive to be as candid as her. Alyson Hayley- Her work ethic is the best and it gets me going on days when I need it. Plus she has two of the cutest dogs ever which she features on her stories all the time. Instant mood lifter!
- Podcasts. If you would have told me a few weeks ago that I would be listening to podcasts nonstop, I would have told you that you were crazy. I always thought they weren't for me. I'm a huge lover of music, it really speaks to my soul and I couldn't imagine giving up any music listening time. In my eyes it was kind of like listening to an Ebook: NOT FOR ME. I'd much rather just read the book. I'd heard about so many different podcasts, but none of them appealed to me enough to choose to listen to one over music. And then LaurenKaySims (she's one of my favorites too!) mentioned in an Instagram story how productive a Skinny Confidential podcast made her feel and something just clicked. I work in a creative field and have REALLY been struggling with motivation so this immediately peaked my interest. I immediately pulled up The Skinny Confidential and binged on a bunch of episodes. If you haven't listened to them and are the entrepreneurial type, but need a little motivation then I HIGHLY reccomend you look them up. I always feel so inspired after an episode. Just hearing about how other people function and operate is so motivational. I've noticed a huge difference in my work since I started listening.
- Music. Like I said above, music is extremely important to me. I think it's a great healing tool for anybody going through a hard time. Even instrumentals have so much power and emotion that can do wonders. There are songs for every emotion and experience. Belting out a song that talks about how you're feeling is basically free therapy in my opinion.
Right now I feel like I'm all about surrounding myself with people who inspire me to be my best self (even if that means just through IG!) I feel like I really have a need for that positive energy, but I also need it to be real so I am trying to stay away from too much of that perfectionism that floods the internet world.
I thank you all for being so supportive and lovely and I hope you stick around!
