Happy 2018! I know I'm a whole month late, but I'll get more into that in a minute. I hope your year has gotten off to a good start and that you are sticking to those New Years Resolutions. I'd love to know what you have committed to this year! Last year I set out to read at least 52 books and I had surpassed that goal by October and while I'm quite proud of that, this year is going to be a little different.
2017 was an extremely difficult year for me. I had no idea just how much everything would affect me emotionally and to say that I wasn't prepared is an understatement. My dad was in and out of the hospital all year and then he was released to us in in-home hospice care in August, so really for a majority of 2017 my life was completely upside down and we all know that life stops for no one. I still had to keep up with all the regular everyday things. Work, my relationship, friends. It was a balancing act that I was trying to hard to manage, but there's only so much you can do before you just feel completely burnt out and that's exactly what happened to me.
This January for me was the month of just doing the absolute bare minimum. I took time away from social media. I rested. I got the flu and rested some more. I watched tv. I didn't read at all. I ate crap. None of it was planned ahead of time, but when December 31 rolled around and I had invitations to do some really exciting things and all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and not talk to anyone, I knew I needed to just take time for myself and my mental well being. I went straight from my dads funeral to hosting two weeks of rosaries, the funeral, and the burial to caring for my mom. Then came thanksgiving and my brother-in-laws big 40th birthday and we went straight into Christmas planning mode. At no point did I really get to just BE. To just feel what I was feeling and to just rest. So taking January to do that was absolutely essential for me to get back on track.
I'm now back to eating healthy and working out daily which feels amazing. I feel like I can finally think straight and just breathe without the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel inspired and have the itch to create again. Overall, I just feel like me again.
And it feels amazing.
I wish there was more to prepare you for loss. I wish there was some sort of handbook that you could share that makes everything easier. I feel like I have so much I could talk about on the topic, but none of that really helps. People can tell you to do this or that, to remember to take care of yourself, to reach out when you need to talk, but when you are faced with this difficult situation everything you know goes out the window. I felt like my brain stopped functioning entirely. I knew the things that people were telling me, but nothing really registered. I was just going through the motions and I feel like that's completely normal. Sometimes you do just need to feel. Sometimes there's absolutely no way to make anything better other than to just go through it and then eventually you come up on that day where you just wake up, brush yourself off and things suddenly feel a little bit easier.
There is so much pressure coming from a million different directions on HOW you should be dealing. And this applies to so much more than just loss. We have pressure from work, pressures from ourselves, pressures on social media and all of this can be suffocating sometimes. We all need to remember to take a step back every once in a while and evaluate what our needs are and what is going to lead to our happiness.
And that kind of ties in to my resolutions for 2018. I have a bunch of little goals that tie into the main idea of focusing on what truly makes my heart happy and what really is good for my emotional well being. So while reading 52 books last year was a wonderful goal and I enjoyed myself it did add the pressure of reaching a certain number.
This year I want to feed my creativity with the beauty of nature and the little things. Being out among the trees or sitting on the edge of the water does so much good for my soul. I want to push my body to do as much as it can. I find so much peace when I am working on getting stronger. I want to fuel my body with foods that are good for my body, but not deprive it of things that I love. None of these goals have a specific number or rules and that is the exact point. I want to learn to give my mind and body what they need without putting pressures on myself of numbers or restrictions.
And when it comes to social media, I want to share what I truly love. I feel like I have struggled with this when it comes to Instagram for years and that's why I have to take such long breaks from the platform. I'm tired of surrounding myself with post after post of "buy this, buy that" and just the overall concept of THINGS bringing happiness. They don't. I love so much more than clothes and makeup. I put myself into this little corner that leaves me feeling superficial and like I'm not completely being true to myself. I love creating, I love fitness, I love nature, I love trying new healthy recipes, and I love to just have meaningful conversations. I want to share more of that. I want to inspire.
So I'll leave you with a couple of little tid-bits about myself so you can get to know the real me!
- I am the anti-hoarder and constantly donate things that I don't use enough. I can't stand having too much stuff.
- I have digestive issues and stick to a gluten, dairy and soy free diet. A lot of what I eat is vegan. I enjoy fish too much otherwise I'd happily be completely vegan.
- I know a ridiculous amount of lyrics. I just love music. It speaks deep to my heart in ways nothing else does... and other music just fulfills my need of shaking my bootay!
- I am a crazy animal lover. Kitty was actually a stray that I befriended because I always kept a stash of cat food for strays. My mom also took in a stray because I was feeding her while my dad was sick.
- I'm a complete nerd and proud. I love to learn. I love history. I can go down the Wiki rabbit hole like no other. I can start by reading about Ann Boleyn and then three hours later I'm an expert on the culinary preferences of her second cousin.
